why cant i have the courage to go out there and get what i want instead of losing it to others.
i am such a complicated person, pretending to dislike what i truly desire.
jealousy is also such a terrible emotion and i hate it that sometimes im so filled with it.

and why am i so anti-social, always closing up and surpressing myself.
i promise that i wont be like this anymore.
ill make sure ill make an effort to take initiatives and open up my true self.
no more giving up what i want and becoming sad over the loss.