there are so many books out there that write about life, about love, about self-discovery, about youth.
and i always looked at them with skepticism and wondered why did they make life so complicated.
life is simple, life is great and things will be fine (:
its not like i dont believe in that anymore but i realised that whether or not i saw it coming, something in me has changed.
perhaps, it was when i turned 20.
i remember turning 20 and thinking that it was absolutely the same even though i am no longer a teen, but now i find myself contemplating about life and my future alot.
its exactly like what those books depicted, trying to find out about your true self.
and i realised that i am so not looking forward to adulthood.
so strange, i used to think that i couldnt wait to be an adult and go out into the working world and get married.
now i rather stay young, stay carefree and do all the things i want to do.
i dont feel depressed or whatever but i just feel older and feel like i want to decipher life, or at least mine.
and i realised that love is something so mysterious.
i used to have such a naive concept of love.
i think there is so much more to love and it has been highly misunderstood due to all the fairy tale ideas of love.
i think love is one of the hardest thing in life to understand and i highly doubt those people who say they are in love truly are.
to be honest, i dont feel like i have been in love before.
its always infactuation, interest, disinterest, care, concern but what is love?
i think its so much more noble and great.
and i have yet to have the privilege of truly experiencing it.
i feel like my past relationship wasnt quite love.
but i still feel very grateful for having had such a good man but nonetheless i was still yearning for more, still searching to experience true love.
but i have learnt to not have such high expectations, perhaps love in reality is not that fantastic.
it has crossed my mind that i rather be by myself than be in a relationship that isnt true.
i guess i used to think that i could live with a relationship that isnt true and strong but i realised that i cant and i wont.
i wont compromise on my happiness, because only i will truly look out for my own happiness.
song for the day: yeah yeah yeahs- maps (:
