So, I'm turning 25 in a bit.
Practically a quarter of my life has passed me by. Slipped right through my fingers.

I've always thought I'm one who embraces self-awareness, self-realisation and self-improvement. I thought I knew myself well - my strengths, weakness, what is attractive about me and what repels people.

Well, what really hurts the most is thinking you know so much - only for it to hit you later that you know nothing at all.

I hate to admit it, but I'm likely having some sort of quarter life crisis. Insecure about my abilities, shocked by the utter lack of emotional maturity I overestimated myself to be endowed with and overwhelmed by actually having real responsibilities and commitments.

The only thing I'm absolutely thankful for is that I'm not alone in this, I actually have a patient partner, encouraging friends and my family who will always be my cornerstones to keep me from crumbling. They offer the hugs, advice, and just simple company that I absolutely need right now.

But at the end of the day, everyone has their limits and patience will run out. I just hope for myself to improve before it's too late and I lose people and things I care about around me.

Looking back, my birthday in 2013 was a beginning. It was the day of my graduation - how apt! - and the day I realised I have to intensely accelerate my personal growth as I'm about to be shoved out into the working world. I was in no way prepared at all.

My birthday in 2014 was a heartbreaking realisation that I was in fact but no one. I felt unjust but nowhere near as lousy and inadequate as I feel now as I approach my birthday in 2015. What was off to a great start has since just unravelled into a terrible, insane mess of mistakes, emotional breakdowns and pure incapability.

I guess it shows I am but human, absolutely imperfect in many ways. I try to tell myself, we show strength depending on how we deal with mistakes and pick ourself up fresh? I'm terrible at that, always harping on negative matters, wallowing in self-pity and getting anxious and panicky due to my oversensitivity - but I have to change. I have to learn to grow up. I have to.

I only pray for the strength to see this through. I don't want to let the people around me down.