sometimes in life you just have to let go.
i actually have a very bad temper and i get pissed really easily and sometimes i get this overwhelming urge to just spill out all my complaints about things that made me pissed and start scolding people and getting all mad.
but sometimes im proud of myself for being the one who can let go instead of the person who is scolding me.
but its ok cause we took away alot of each others' happiness and its your turn to have your complaints.
at least it shows that ive moved on, maybe i have surpassed your level of maturity.

i realise that we are all young and dont know shit about life and its ok if other people say bad stuff about me, cause i know im just as childish as they are and ive said bad stuff about people.
so give and take, what you do to others will be done to you.

i have to admit that i am not a nice person, i definitely dont have the best personality and im not like super generous, courteous, kind and caring etc but i believe that neither am i a bad person.
im just a very normal human being.

ive got to take this as a big obstacle in life, after all im sure there are many to come through the years.
but i just wished that things were at least neutral instead of negative.
maybe this would be a good time to work on my HORRIBLE temper!
i would be really proud of myself if i could emerge through this learning alot about human relations (:

on a more random note, im rewatching prince caspian on watch-movies.net
AHHH I CANT GET ENOUGH OF IT HAHA

and here's a pretty picture to end of this entry,

HAHA im going to blog about this while im still feeling quite excited :D
class outing today to celebrate shijing's birthday
lunch, kbox, dinner and narnia

well kbox was a pretty different experience but in a good way.
i didnt choose some songs i normally do cause i knew it wouldnt suit the class but at least some of the songs i picked received good feedback :D
everyone was like singing loudly together and shouting and screaming into the mics HAHA
hokkien songs, chinese oldies, fake english songs, hardcore rapping and just 5 hours of fun (:

narnia was AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
totally loved it omg, i was so excited throughout the whole movie :D
it was hilarious, a little sad (totally cried when the narnians were stuck in the castle) and action packed
3 hot guys and 1 romance <3
the older brother is HOT OMG, the younger brother is really adorable, prince caspian is so charming towards the end and 3 cheers for the susan and prince caspian pairing :D
it was a reallyyyyyyyy long movie though, more than 2 hrs.
but it was 2 hrs of really good stuff (:

anyway you may find the prince caspian guy familiar cause he acted as the young dunston thorn in stardust! (the father who slept with the gypsy)
i already had my eye on him then HAHA
but im sad cause the older brother and older sister wont be appearing in the rest of the narnia movies, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :(
but its ok ill watch for the younger brother and prince caspian :D

forgot to take a group pictures :x

tmr shall be my rest day, im going to wake up real late <3

HAHA THANKS FOR MAKING ME DO THIS TEST LEON GIM AHEM.
no lah kidding ill do it for your sake :D

A. If your lover betray you, what will you do?
ill be really sad cause i would love him wholeheartedly but its not enough for him.

B. If you can have a dream that will come true, what will it be?
HAHA i dont have those cool dreams.
just want to get a decent job (meaning quite high paying HAHA) and have a happy family (hot husband, older son and younger daughter!)

C. What will dream your wedding be like?
beach/garden weddings
i think a wedding at an unusual location will be very memorable (:

D. Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
yup god knows how am i supposed to get into university SIGH

E. What is your ideal lover like?
taller than 175, atheletic, funny, has a caring, romantic and child-like side under a cool and playful exterior.
a hot body would be good too HAHAHA

F. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by?
none.
i will only be happy if someone that i love loves me back.
i wont like someone that likes me first.

G. How long do you intent to wait for someone you love?
probably for a long time HAHA.

H. If the person you like is secretly attached, what will you do?
ill be sad but i guess ill try not to show it

I. Is there anything that has made you unhappy this few days?
HAHA yea like everything. school is really giving me a tough time.

J. What do you want most in life?
love

K. Do you like being tagged?
i secretly like doing questionnaires HAHA and since its for leon gim, i dont mind (:

L. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
HOPEFULLY landing a decent job and happily married
i want to get married around 25 years old HAHA

M. Who are the most important people in your life now?
friends and family <3

N. what kind of person do you think that person who tag you is?
HAHAHA LEON GIM IS HILARIOUS.
although we're actually pretty different but we can get along well!
and spending time with her helps me get abs from laughing HUR HUR
and omg she can dance so well!
and she's got a hot body yo :D

O. If you could ask that person for a request and that person will return it, what will it be?
WHEN ARE YOU FREE TO MEET ME HUH.
STUDY AND ACCURACY OF DEATH!

P. What is the first thing you will do every morning?
roll around in bed cause i hate waking up HAHA
turn on the radio in the toilet while i brush my teeth and wash up

Q. Would you give it all in a relationship?
yup definitely.

R. If you were to fall for 2 people at the same time, who will you pick?
i probably wouldnt fall for two people at the same time because the one that i liked first will occupy my attention.

S. What type of friends do you like?
know how to have a good time, spontaneous, outgoing, talkative and has good tastes

T. If you played a prank on someone and they fall for it, what will you do?
definitely laugh loads over it and then ill apologise.
but i wont play pranks on people that im not familiar with who will misunderstand and get angry




after reading through my answers, i realise how differently i answered these questions as compared to how i would do so in the past.
well ,if you look at my old entries, like during secondary school, you would probably seeing me answer questions with trying-to-be-funny answers and all the exclamations and overload of smileys.
i used to flood my blog with tons of rubbish HAHA but although its superficial, i miss my carefree and childish days.

i guess michelle lai is right by saying that my blogging style has turned very reflective.
maybe thats because i have alot of things on my mind nowadays.
i used to blog just to list what ive been doing but now i treat blogging as a tool for me to say what i really want to say.
i really enjoy blogging nowadays (:

and ive never believed in locking blogs cause why would you want an online journal if you dont want everyone to see it, which means that you have something to hide right?
my blog is for anyone to read and get to know me before they judge me without any information.

anyway HAHA why am i suddenly filled with such negative thoughts, they are becoming such a burden on me.
sometimes you just want to clear your head and only think of superficial things like having fun cause it makes you shitloads happier (:

well tmr there's a class outing to celebrate shijing's birthday :D
kbox and narnia.
well i personally LOVE singing karaoke, esp with joan tay, michelle lai, deniseleong, qian and opy cause its always soooooooooooooooo fun :D
however, im quite sure singing karaoke with my class will be a different experience cause we all have different karaoke habits yea?
but ill be enthusiastically giving it a shot, maybe we'll all have a fun and crazy time :D

goodnight!

tuesday

extra 2hr math tutorial, sigh didnt listen again
mr foo doesnt even care about us anymore
toa payoh with yiting to meet yuling and yuslina
airport!
it was a long train ride to changi to study at T3
ive never been there before :x
but quite a wasted trip cause we took very little photos







and oh gosh we were there from 1 to 930 HAHA
but i barely accomplished any studying cause i was sleeping comfortably in the coffe bean armchair HUR HUR
and i didnt see any hot japanese tourists :( HAHA

wednesday

extra physics tuition in town
went to meet yihui at the national library to study
met fiona and minmin!
we moved from hans, to the library, back to hans, the platform near the stairs cause it was raining heavily then back to hans
we totally set up like a campsite at the platform HAHA






and something very special happened (:
a little girl named rayner(not sure how to spell her name though) came up to me and gave me a drawing!
turns out she was drawing me but i didnt realise
so yihui and i went up to her and asked her to take pictures with us
and she was such a pretty and adorable little girl
if i ever had a daughter like her, i would be so happy <3



explored bras basah before going home (:
some random pictures,




yihui doesnt like her pictures put up on the net, so i shall keep them safely in my computer (:

thursday/today

studied with michelle lai and jodie at holland v starbucks
whoa i considered it pretty hardcore so my brain feels quite drained HAHA
holland v hawker centre's food is deliciousssssssss, hor fun and dumpling noodle <3

wednesday

crammed geog at amk library with kenneth, yangyang, guan min and arthur

thursday

h1 geog exam, DIEEEEEEEEE
so freaking difficult omg
toa payoh

friday

gp exam and ne quiz
class outing to town
indiana jones movie
everyone had to go off to in the end newton supper only consisted of michelle, yangyang and me
(ate half cooked cockles that made me shit like crazy the next day HAHA
but they were yummy (:)
cabbed home cause it was like almost midnight by the time we left

saturday

SLACKED AT HOME OMG.
i used the computer alot :x
math tuition
nice family dinner at ivins (:
(my family rarely eats out)

sunday

physics tuition
food republic cause ichiban boshi closed down OHMYGOD
shopping with qian
high tea and royal coppenhagen tea louge at taka
(THE PLACE IS SO COOLLLLLLLLLLLL.
the decor, service and food is REALLY GOOD.
pictures still with qian)











monday/today

extra math lecture in school today from 11-12
WASTE TIME, i didnt listen either sigh :(
town with guan min, yangyang and hari
lunch and shopping at far east and wisma
michelle joined us and we shopped for shijing's birthday present at taka
thanks for accompanying me till 5+ (:




some random pictures of the sky which i took today at taka
i like taking wannabe arty farty pictures of the sky HAHA (:

met qian and michelle lai for dinner at adam road hawker
nasi lemak yum <3
island creamery with michelle lai
wow damn cute guy working there, brighten up my day HAHAHAHA
apple pie ice cream <3





some more random pictures i took at serene HAHA

dad fetched michelle lai home and gave us a car ride through all the rich bungalow areas near michelle lai's house HAHA
she was so excited HAHAHA

and today i coincidentally checked the time at 17.17, 19.19, 20.20 and 10.10 :D



thank you very much <3

why cant i have the courage to go out there and get what i want instead of losing it to others.
i am such a complicated person, pretending to dislike what i truly desire.
jealousy is also such a terrible emotion and i hate it that sometimes im so filled with it.

and why am i so anti-social, always closing up and surpressing myself.
i promise that i wont be like this anymore.
ill make sure ill make an effort to take initiatives and open up my true self.
no more giving up what i want and becoming sad over the loss.

i swear, being an only child can be so boring sometimes.
i promise ill never put my child through such torture HAHA
and thats why i want to have one older son and one younger daughter plan (:
ill name my son nathan and my daughter emma HUR HUR.

oh yes and i forgot to mention that qian's sis treated me to lunch again yesterday!
had lunch with qian and her sis after tuition at bakerzinn
she even offered that i went with them for their pedicure and it would be free but of course im not so thick skinned yea? HAHAHA
eat free food still want to have free pedicure HAHA
thank you very much qian and qian's sis! :D

anyway, met qian to 'study' today at serene.
STUDY MY ASS.
SHE'S SUCH AN IRRITATING PERSON OMG WHOLE DAY DISTRACT ME LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HAHA
we met at like 12.30 and omg we couldnt settle down to study until like 2 HUR
ok lah its also my fault cause i brought my laptop but we had no idea how to connect to the internet.
so we took super long to FINALLY manage to open a website :(
we also spend alot of time having HEART TO HEART TALKS <3
although im not very proud of it HAHA, i realise qian and i are very similar.
so it felt very good to have someone who has the same ideas as me and is actually going through the same things im going through <3





AND ALSO SOME ONE TO WATCH GERMANY MATCHES DURING EURO 08 WITH YAYYYY
you will see two teenage girls camping at some random kopitiam at 2.45am just to watch the germany vs poland match HAHA

qian had to go for tuition so i came home (:
fell asleep on the bus sigh, thank god i randomly opened my eyes and saw that the bus had reached my stop.
decided to treat myself to seventeen magazine and some sweets and wasted like 1 hr after i reached home reading the magazine :/
IM SUPPOSED TO BE HALFWAY THROUGH HUMAN GEOG TODAY AND IM ONLY AT PAGE 2 OF LECTURE 1 OMG.

and school tmr, HOW DISGUSTING.
pe tmr has been replaced by a talk and there's double gp.
OH MY FREAKING GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE^*^$%#$#@%

oh well but what can i do right, i shall just go study geog now :(

my closest cousin didnt come for the family dinner(which was one of the best family gatherings(:) today so i got the chance to get to know my younger cousins :D
they are so adorableeeeeeeeeeeeeeee







my ABSOLUTELY CUTE 8 month old cousin emmanuel (:
he has the most gorgeous eyes everrrr





and my 6 year old cousin rico who i never really got to talk to :(
but after getting to know him today, he is such an adorable sunshine boy :D
although he's chubby, he has such a good looking face and im starting to reallyreallyreally like him

<3

today i met a kind old man on the bus.
he was sitting in front of me on the bus when he suddenly turned around and asked me if i could spare him some water.
at first i thought the request was odd but obviously i gave him the bottle of water i had for him to drink.
then during the rest of the bus ride, he would turn around and talk to me and sometimes ask for more water.
he told me many interesting facts like how an underground mrt is being built at farrer road and singapore has an underground reservoir at bukit timah, i had no idea!

i like such warm-hearted conversation with a strangers especially with elderly people.
ive never had a grandfather cause both my grandfathers passed away before i was born and i only have one grandmother left.
i remember i had a conversation with an old lady once on 945 and she was the cutest old lady ever (:

anyway, it was also surprising how he opened up after we talked for just one bus ride.
he told me his personal story about how he got into an accident and the doctors said he would die after 4 days but after 10 days, he was still alive.
and in the end he woke up from a 1.5 month coma and he says it was thanks to god.

well im not christian and i admit i dont believe in god.
but sometimes hearing such stories make me feel more secure that maybe there is a god looking out for all of us after all.

the old man even shook my hand and blessed me before he got off the bus.
i had the urge to look down from my seat from the double decker bus and he also looked up after alighting and we smiled and waved at each other (:
i felt like it was such a pleasant encounter :D

thanks camille for all the lovely adiv pictures.
i definitely dont regret joining hockey (although my first choice was volleyball HAHA)
everyone in hockey is so nice and im really happy i spent 2/3 of my jc life with such a great bunch of people :D
ive also come to love the game hockey :D
HOCKEY <3

if i can hold on, through the tears and the laughter
would it be beautiful, or just a beautiful disaster

bittersweet day
lessons were boring as per usual, barely managed to stay awake
wasted 4 hours after school doing nothing much besides sitting in class, listening to music, eating at the canteen, playing the piano at the foyer, checking out the hip hop lesson in the hall
went to eat at around 6+ at toa payoh with guan min, yangyang and shijing
i guess it was obvious i was feeling down then

thanks yuling for cheering me up with your goofiness and spamming me with bubble pop oldies <3

but i hope you all could tell that i was trying very hard to control my mood and not to let my unhappiness show on my face, but its hard you know
but as the hours past, i felt much better :D

thanks guan min and shijing for the famous amos cookies :D
guan min bought me famous amos cookies first cause he knew what i was going through and he was trying to cheer me up
then shijing went to buy me cookies as a cheer up gift too just before we went home
and neither of them knew that the other person bought famous amos cookies too
YOU TWO ARE TOO SWEET AND ADORABLE THANKS SO MUCH :D

well at least tmr there's pe and double break, the only reason why i look forward to school :D
and the guys' hockey match!
GO CJ HOCKEY <3

I hate school and studying and the 'A's.

I have zero motivation to do my work, I really wonder how I'm gonna get through the year and do well for my 'A's.

):

i couldnt have said it better qian
qian and i always have similar feelings <3

spent the day finishing up the sky of love movie
it was too sad for me but it was really sweet
really good lines and the people inside are so visually pleasing heh

and i googled the accuracy of death japanese movie featuring takeshi kaneshiro
i saw the poster at the amk hub and fiona told me abit about the movie

Adapted from the bestselling novel by Kotaro Isaka “The Accuracy of Death”. Chiba (Takeshi Kaneshiro) appears seven days before a person dies an unexpected death. His job is to observe the person for seven days, and then decide either to ‘execute’ or ‘pass over’.
The 115-minute movie is made up of three interconnected stories which protagonists are targets of the attractive Grim Reaper. There’s a meek girl whose job is to receive complaint calls, a crime committing mafia leader who has a faithful follower and an old hairdresser who lives alone in the countryside.

it's been getting really good reviews, at least 4 stars and its said to be a beautifully visualized on screen
my type of show :D

list of movies i want to watch:
narnia
accuracy of death
the happening
(:

today

physics tuition
lunch with qian and her sis at ding tai feng
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FREE LUNCH
i wish i had an older sister too!
math tuition
didnt managed to stay awake :(
mother's day dinner (:

i got my mum a set of cutlery
it was really cute and came in a box that said super mum with adorable drawings all over it
the utensils were in unusal shapes and had like smiley faces cut out of the metal handles

anyway, i should be doing geog :/
school starts again tmr SIGH
ok adios amigos

gosh its like 3am and im still up watching shows online sigh
and ive to wake up at 9 tmr and i have 2 tuitions!
how am i going to stay awake during the 2 tuitions :(

and ive got myself hooked onto merry christmas mr lawrence by ryuichi sakamoto
you would recognise it as the song used in the trailer of the leap years (such a waste)
its a piano and violin instrumental song that was performed during the rj piano ensemble concert that i went to today (:
very touching

friday

had to go school by 715 cause of some award ceremony
it was so tough for me to wake up earlier :(
played 2-man bridge with shijing during the whole ceremony (50 rounds? HAHA)

supported the guys' hockey match against rj after school
rj was really damnnnnnn good and they totally dominated the ball possession but i think we put up a good fight!
just like sa, we also lost to rj 4-0
i reallyyyyyyyyy hope we can win sa next week!
rushed back to school to meet fiona and watch abit of the sepaktakro competition (kenneth and yangyang's team won yay!)

went down to amk for leon gim and zhao loong's birthday dinner (:
pepper lunch, standing outside the movie and watching tons of trailers, macs and playgrounds
blind mice, swings, climbing the high ropes and drawing in the sand, made me feel like a child again.
i wish time stopped then
it was a hell load of fun :D

today

read through 1 chapter of geog :/
youtubed like crazy sigh, downloading tons of videos into my ipod
started alot of dramas too!
but i came across this cute jap actor thats my age
seriously the superstars are all getting younger and younger!

met michelle lai at queenstown
went down to bishan
dinner at s11
met jodie and we went to support shun yee at the rj piano ensemble concert
i also supported you sujun!
IT WAS A DAMN LONG CONCERT.
like 2.5 hours omgggggggggg
i have to admit that there were times i felt like sleeping but i couldnt cause the place was so packed there wasnt even enough seats
i had to like stand/sit on the foldable table between the chairs/squeeze with michelle lai in her seat (made my ass hurt like crap :()

ok its past 3, i should sleep :(
but im not even halfway through the jap movie sky of love
i remember zhao loong telling me that it is my type of show, and it really is HAHA

well geog is in less than 2 weeks, STOP GETTING DISTRACTED :(

today consisted of:

heart to heart talk
conscious efforts
40 push ups and 100 crunches (KILLED ME)
class basketball
movie during gp
slacking in school
accompanying the siao zar bor yiting
tennis in the evening with shijing, yangyang and guan min
pms security guards
heartwarming conversations with strangers: 1 ang moh and 1 grandma

thank you for the advice and i really tried hard today to control my mood (:
and i had a really happy day today <3
and i think tennis is reallyyyyyyyyyyy fun

the past few days have been filled with regret and tears but i thank my friends who cared for me and showered me with love and concern to build me up again (:
yiting, qian, michelle lai, guan min, fiona, big thank yous to you all especially (:

sunday

met michelle lai in the morning to run to train her for her 2.4
came over to my place
went for math tuition while michelle lai studied herself in town
met michelle lai after tuition (:

monday

cj guys' hockey game against aj at ccab
deciding game affecting whether they make it to the next round or not, and they did!
watched the ac-sa, ib-rj rugby games too (:
met jessica tan, michelle lai and qian!
OHMYGOD IT WAS THE BEST FEELING EVER.
didnt expect to meet them there at all!
mr prata with fiona and guan min (:



there's a really unglam picture of qian so i shall be nice and not put it up, QIAN STOP MAKING SUPER DISGUSTING FACES.

tuesday

im sorry for being so down.
yesterday was just screwed up, i felt soooo miserable the wholeeeeeeee day
sorry for the black faces and the weird emotions.

thank you michelle lai for coming down to cj to meet me (:
went to city hall to eat and meet shun yee
went for the rj choir concert at esplanade :D
met deniseleong at marina square! OHMYFREAKINGGOD IT WAS A DAMN GOOD SURPRISE <3
reached home at like 11+ and i was sooooooo tired

today

i tried real hard to not get affected but i didnt manage to last the day
sorry for the weirdness after school again
sigh im really getting sick and tired of myself and all my stupid thoughts and feelings argh

but thank you all for listening yet again <3
school is seriously giving me a hard time sigh.