I really can't get myself to concentrate on studying for mid terms.
I think I'm just going to go and whack for CAT mid terms tomorrow.
My mind has been filled with exchange thoughts, one of the worst decisions I had to make in my life.
This reminds me of the time when I made up my mind to go to NUS Real Estate and then my cousin called me up to have a long talk with me trying to convince me to come to SMU instead.
I remember crying like crazy during that conversation, so troubled by the decision that I had to make.

You know the feeling where you just go ahead and do something for the sake of it.
I applied for my exchange for the sake of applying because everyone applies in summer.
I applied for Europe because it's what people normally do.
What I truly wanted was Japan but I was scared because they were all either 1 or 2 slots and the term period was really bad.
I chose Netherlands not because I really wanted to go there but because I was limited due to constraints like number of slots and term period.
In the end, I led myself into the shit situation that I am in and now I find myself so unhappy I just want to pull out of exchange.

Because I didn't know what I originally wanted, I just did something for the sake of it and now I have to find a way to get out of it.
I know that the only reason why I would proceed with this exchange would be to take up the challenge and prove that I can do it, and it is not because I really want to go to Netherlands nor is it that I really will be happy living myself in a foreign land.

If I were to reapply for fall semester, I won't be guaranteed a place at all but thank goodness at least OIR told me I don't need to resubmit my academic referrals.

I don't want to bluff myself like I will be happy going on my own, I think I am just going to pull out.
I'll reapply again in fall and if I don't get it, so be it.
At least I know I didn't force myself to do something I didn't want to do.