So, I'm turning 25 in a bit.
Practically a quarter of my life has passed me by. Slipped right through my fingers.
I've always thought I'm one who embraces self-awareness, self-realisation and self-improvement. I thought I knew myself well - my strengths, weakness, what is attractive about me and what repels people.
Well, what really hurts the most is thinking you know so much - only for it to hit you later that you know nothing at all.
I hate to admit it, but I'm likely having some sort of quarter life crisis. Insecure about my abilities, shocked by the utter lack of emotional maturity I overestimated myself to be endowed with and overwhelmed by actually having real responsibilities and commitments.
The only thing I'm absolutely thankful for is that I'm not alone in this, I actually have a patient partner, encouraging friends and my family who will always be my cornerstones to keep me from crumbling. They offer the hugs, advice, and just simple company that I absolutely need right now.
But at the end of the day, everyone has their limits and patience will run out. I just hope for myself to improve before it's too late and I lose people and things I care about around me.
Looking back, my birthday in 2013 was a beginning. It was the day of my graduation - how apt! - and the day I realised I have to intensely accelerate my personal growth as I'm about to be shoved out into the working world. I was in no way prepared at all.
My birthday in 2014 was a heartbreaking realisation that I was in fact but no one. I felt unjust but nowhere near as lousy and inadequate as I feel now as I approach my birthday in 2015. What was off to a great start has since just unravelled into a terrible, insane mess of mistakes, emotional breakdowns and pure incapability.
I guess it shows I am but human, absolutely imperfect in many ways. I try to tell myself, we show strength depending on how we deal with mistakes and pick ourself up fresh? I'm terrible at that, always harping on negative matters, wallowing in self-pity and getting anxious and panicky due to my oversensitivity - but I have to change. I have to learn to grow up. I have to.
I only pray for the strength to see this through. I don't want to let the people around me down.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Last day of 2014.
Looking back, it's been a pretty crazy year.
Spent a good half of my year in Honeycombers.
Thankful that I made some real good friends in my first job.
Encountered my first tough spot for the year in July.
Was lucky and soon found myself in Clubvivre.
It's been a hectic last stretch of the year, and I'm truly glad that I have someone by my side through it.
Well, I'm pretty excited about 2015.
Life is always so marvellous - you never know what to expect, but I trust that things will always turn out fine :)
Happy new year!
Looking back, it's been a pretty crazy year.
Spent a good half of my year in Honeycombers.
Thankful that I made some real good friends in my first job.
Encountered my first tough spot for the year in July.
Was lucky and soon found myself in Clubvivre.
It's been a hectic last stretch of the year, and I'm truly glad that I have someone by my side through it.
Well, I'm pretty excited about 2015.
Life is always so marvellous - you never know what to expect, but I trust that things will always turn out fine :)
Happy new year!
Sunday, April 06, 2014
Wow it's been a while.
I realised it's only when things start to slow down, and I get time to myself, that I think about writing something on this blog.
Doesn't help that writing is all I do at work now, so I just wanna avoid it when I'm out of office.
When I look back at how I stumbled into this job, I find it so absurd.
I never was into writing.
Didn't write a single word for any school publications or whatever, just silly rants and raves on this blog (which I started when I was 16...), and I can't believe I'm writing as a living now.
Or at least for the next year, not sure what I have ahead of me.
We'll see.
Well anyway, this weekend I had some (much-needed) time to myself.
I got to catch up on books and silly korean variety shows, but also tick a few off my 'movies to watch' list.
Watched the (pretty old) French-Spanish movie 'Spanish Apartment', starring Romain Duris and Audrey Tautou, about a French student going on an exchange programme to Spain.
Feel-good movie, made me miss exchange immensely, but that's about it.
The korean movie 'Silenced/ The Crucible' was a whole different story.
I have never cried as much in a movie as I did in this one, and that's seriously saying something.
The screenplay is based on a Korean novel 'The Crucible' by Gong Ji Young, which delves into the true events of sexual assaults, physical and mental abuse, and corruption that took place at a school for deaf children. The movie is all gloominess, helplessness, and sheer heart-wrenching moments.
The good thing is that the release of the film sparked public outcry and a wave of protests which helped to reopen the otherwise relatively known case. Go watch it.
I realised it's only when things start to slow down, and I get time to myself, that I think about writing something on this blog.
Doesn't help that writing is all I do at work now, so I just wanna avoid it when I'm out of office.
When I look back at how I stumbled into this job, I find it so absurd.
I never was into writing.
Didn't write a single word for any school publications or whatever, just silly rants and raves on this blog (which I started when I was 16...), and I can't believe I'm writing as a living now.
Or at least for the next year, not sure what I have ahead of me.
We'll see.
Well anyway, this weekend I had some (much-needed) time to myself.
I got to catch up on books and silly korean variety shows, but also tick a few off my 'movies to watch' list.
Watched the (pretty old) French-Spanish movie 'Spanish Apartment', starring Romain Duris and Audrey Tautou, about a French student going on an exchange programme to Spain.
Feel-good movie, made me miss exchange immensely, but that's about it.
The korean movie 'Silenced/ The Crucible' was a whole different story.
I have never cried as much in a movie as I did in this one, and that's seriously saying something.
The screenplay is based on a Korean novel 'The Crucible' by Gong Ji Young, which delves into the true events of sexual assaults, physical and mental abuse, and corruption that took place at a school for deaf children. The movie is all gloominess, helplessness, and sheer heart-wrenching moments.
The good thing is that the release of the film sparked public outcry and a wave of protests which helped to reopen the otherwise relatively known case. Go watch it.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Villagers is all I've been listening to the past week.
I first discovered Conan O'Brien as a soloist (performing under the name Villagers) a few years back.
Armed with only an acoustic guitar and haunting tunes, it was like Damien Rice the second (you can tell I was charmed). Mind you that he's Irish too hehe.
He returned in early 2013 with his full band (so I guess Villagers are now a band) and released a second album titled Awayland. It's definitely a fuller sound, somewhat like a mash up between Damien Rice and Grizzly Bear imo.
I was on youtube at work (cause I can't get no work done without music) when I chanced upon their Glastonbury 2013 set and it was amazingggggggggggggggggggg. Kept it on repeat for days, along with this tweaked version of Nothing Arrived.
And my favourite song from him- Set The Tigers Free.
I'm damn charmed by Villagers, especially Conan O'Brien. Definitely my favourite 'male soloist' after Damien Rice.
I first discovered Conan O'Brien as a soloist (performing under the name Villagers) a few years back.
Armed with only an acoustic guitar and haunting tunes, it was like Damien Rice the second (you can tell I was charmed). Mind you that he's Irish too hehe.
He returned in early 2013 with his full band (so I guess Villagers are now a band) and released a second album titled Awayland. It's definitely a fuller sound, somewhat like a mash up between Damien Rice and Grizzly Bear imo.
I was on youtube at work (cause I can't get no work done without music) when I chanced upon their Glastonbury 2013 set and it was amazingggggggggggggggggggg. Kept it on repeat for days, along with this tweaked version of Nothing Arrived.
And my favourite song from him- Set The Tigers Free.
I'm damn charmed by Villagers, especially Conan O'Brien. Definitely my favourite 'male soloist' after Damien Rice.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
My love for Japanese things (not all things jap but many) is known by many of my friends around me.
Although I probably have to say the food is probably the one thing I love the most from the amazing land of Nihon, but their movies and music sure come a close second.
'Solanin' is one of my favourite Japanese movies (maybe ever). I probably wrote about the movie many times before anyway hehe. I think I loved it so much when I watched it because I am going through a 'coming of age' phase in my life as well and questioning things like passion in life, dreams, love and my future were so spot on.
(That's how I first came across the awesome actor Kengo Kora)
Well but anyway besides a good story, script, cinematography, acting, you sure need damn good music for a good movie to be complete.
Self-titled movie theme song is by Asian Kung Fu Generation (nuff said). But what is also so beautiful is the instrumental music featured in the movie and they are produced by a soloist called Atsuhi Horie (who is from the band Straightener) who goes by the name of 'ent' for his solo project.
The movie released an instrumental soundtrack featuring all of ent's contributions to the movie and it is SO FUCKING AWESOME. It is always my go to music when I'm feeling all dreamy and surreal.
This video features some of his works. If you like it, go fucking download the movie soundtrack you'll love him. (:
Although I probably have to say the food is probably the one thing I love the most from the amazing land of Nihon, but their movies and music sure come a close second.
'Solanin' is one of my favourite Japanese movies (maybe ever). I probably wrote about the movie many times before anyway hehe. I think I loved it so much when I watched it because I am going through a 'coming of age' phase in my life as well and questioning things like passion in life, dreams, love and my future were so spot on.
(That's how I first came across the awesome actor Kengo Kora)
Well but anyway besides a good story, script, cinematography, acting, you sure need damn good music for a good movie to be complete.
Self-titled movie theme song is by Asian Kung Fu Generation (nuff said). But what is also so beautiful is the instrumental music featured in the movie and they are produced by a soloist called Atsuhi Horie (who is from the band Straightener) who goes by the name of 'ent' for his solo project.
The movie released an instrumental soundtrack featuring all of ent's contributions to the movie and it is SO FUCKING AWESOME. It is always my go to music when I'm feeling all dreamy and surreal.
This video features some of his works. If you like it, go fucking download the movie soundtrack you'll love him. (:
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Just rewatched 'Ocean Heaven', a Chinese movie regarding a terminally ill father and his autistic son.
Cried my eyes out once again and filled up my dust bin with tons of tissue.
Although I think I cried the most during the Japanese movie 'Departures', a movie regarding the traditional encoffining ceremony where a young musician from Tokyo who returns to his hometown and ends up learning the art of being an mortician, Ocean Heaven definitely comes a close second.
And something to note is Joe Hisaishi did the music for both movies! No wonder hehe. Not only is Ocean Heaven an extremely meaningful movie, the cast displays a stellar performance, cinematography is beautiful because it's Christopher Doyle and it also has a very touching soundtrack.
After the movie I decided to youtube more about it and came across this: (prepare some tissues hehe)
Although I think I cried the most during the Japanese movie 'Departures', a movie regarding the traditional encoffining ceremony where a young musician from Tokyo who returns to his hometown and ends up learning the art of being an mortician, Ocean Heaven definitely comes a close second.
And something to note is Joe Hisaishi did the music for both movies! No wonder hehe. Not only is Ocean Heaven an extremely meaningful movie, the cast displays a stellar performance, cinematography is beautiful because it's Christopher Doyle and it also has a very touching soundtrack.
After the movie I decided to youtube more about it and came across this: (prepare some tissues hehe)
Thursday, August 01, 2013
Recently I've been listening to Placebo alot again.
They were a band of my childhood and was definitely one of the key bands which introduced me to 'alternative' music (other major bands in my life were Muse, Travis, Coldplay, Interpol and The Cranberries)
Over the years I started listening to newer bands and drifted slightly from these old classic bands and did not follow up well on their new releases (practically stopped listening to Placebo after their Meds album) but I will never forget how big a part of my adolescence they were and how they shaped the person I am now.
(:
And one of my favourite from their newer stuff.
They were a band of my childhood and was definitely one of the key bands which introduced me to 'alternative' music (other major bands in my life were Muse, Travis, Coldplay, Interpol and The Cranberries)
Over the years I started listening to newer bands and drifted slightly from these old classic bands and did not follow up well on their new releases (practically stopped listening to Placebo after their Meds album) but I will never forget how big a part of my adolescence they were and how they shaped the person I am now.
(:
And one of my favourite from their newer stuff.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Recently I started re-watching the Japanese drama 'Slow Dance'.
It was one of the Japanese dramas of my childhood though I definitely didn't really understand it when I was younger and it wasn't one of the dramas that left a very strong impression in my head.
It suddenly popped up again on one of the drama websites I go to and I thought it would be nice to re-watch it.
Such an appropriate period in my life to watch it. Stories about young adults and their struggles in pursuing their dreams and learning to love. SO MY KIND OF SHOW.
I feel revitalised and energised after watching the show. I can tell myself 'Don't be disheartened and just have patience. Don't succumb to finding the easy way out and giving up your happiness because of it.'
(:
Well, so I shall put my Korean shows on hold and finish 'Slow Dance' before moving on to 'Orange Days' and '69' which are also some awesome projects starring Tsumabuki Satoshi..
On the topic of Tsumabuki Satoshi, I freaking hate how I can't find a stream version of 'Villain' after all these years. SERIOUSLY MAN. Even Funshion or Youku also don't have what is this sia.
It was one of the Japanese dramas of my childhood though I definitely didn't really understand it when I was younger and it wasn't one of the dramas that left a very strong impression in my head.
It suddenly popped up again on one of the drama websites I go to and I thought it would be nice to re-watch it.
Such an appropriate period in my life to watch it. Stories about young adults and their struggles in pursuing their dreams and learning to love. SO MY KIND OF SHOW.
I feel revitalised and energised after watching the show. I can tell myself 'Don't be disheartened and just have patience. Don't succumb to finding the easy way out and giving up your happiness because of it.'
(:
Well, so I shall put my Korean shows on hold and finish 'Slow Dance' before moving on to 'Orange Days' and '69' which are also some awesome projects starring Tsumabuki Satoshi..
On the topic of Tsumabuki Satoshi, I freaking hate how I can't find a stream version of 'Villain' after all these years. SERIOUSLY MAN. Even Funshion or Youku also don't have what is this sia.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Ok geek moment coming up.
I just need to write this here and get it off my chest or I'll go crazyyyyyy.
Just found out one of my favourites Hidetoshi Nishijima is going to voice act as a key character in THE MOST ANTICIPATED ANIMATION (for me) 'The Wind Rises' from Hayao Miyazaki.
I've been waiting for this film for so god damn long! Information has been released that the film will open in Japan this month so I probably have a wait a whole damn year or something to see it in Singapore.
THAT IS IF IT COMES TO SINGAPORE. The demand for Japanese movies in Singapore is so damn low that often alot of the Japanese movies I want to watch just don't come to our shores :(
But since it's Hayao Miyazaki and probably the only Japanese director Singaporeans even know about (and Singaporeans probably only know Spirited Away which is damn sad ass cause honestly he has SO MANY OTHER GOOD FILMS TOO), I think the film should come to Singapore yayyyyyy.
I can't wait wheeeeeeee.
I just need to write this here and get it off my chest or I'll go crazyyyyyy.
Just found out one of my favourites Hidetoshi Nishijima is going to voice act as a key character in THE MOST ANTICIPATED ANIMATION (for me) 'The Wind Rises' from Hayao Miyazaki.
I've been waiting for this film for so god damn long! Information has been released that the film will open in Japan this month so I probably have a wait a whole damn year or something to see it in Singapore.
THAT IS IF IT COMES TO SINGAPORE. The demand for Japanese movies in Singapore is so damn low that often alot of the Japanese movies I want to watch just don't come to our shores :(
But since it's Hayao Miyazaki and probably the only Japanese director Singaporeans even know about (and Singaporeans probably only know Spirited Away which is damn sad ass cause honestly he has SO MANY OTHER GOOD FILMS TOO), I think the film should come to Singapore yayyyyyy.
I can't wait wheeeeeeee.
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Evening
What I read.
What I listen.
What I see.
All of them has a huge influence on what I think, how I feel and how I act.
What I listen.
What I see.
All of them has a huge influence on what I think, how I feel and how I act.